Distant Memories
by Huaile
Summary: Happy birthday, Jessica! A Heronstairs for your 15th!
1. Angel

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!**

**Since I can't see you for a while, this is my present to you. You'd ****_better _****love it!**

**MUCH thanks to Gabby (ragsofshadow dot tumblr dot com), my editor and writing-partner. Couldn't have done this without you.**

* * *

"Do you remember when we met?"

A fond smile, a nod, and a kiss pressed into a soft cheek. "Of course, how could I forget?"

"True, not every day you meet an angel."

"I am _not_ an angel." Exasperated, though fond.

"To me. My angel." A hand darkened by the sun and roughened from hard work brushed against a silken cheek and was clasped by warm hands gently but firmly.

"You are the angel here, not I."

"No," drawled with a smirk, "I play the devil part quite well, no?"

A fierce blush on ivory skin, a pout. "I liked you much better as a child."

"I loved you, even then."

"Oh?"

"Of course. I had found an angel."

"Then why so rude?"

"You cannot befriend an angel; impossible."

"But you did."

"Oh?"

"You befriended me, and," Jem kissed each of Will's fingertips, "you _did_ say I am your angel."

"I did _not_ befriend you. I made you fall for me. There is a difference."

"Not to me, either way, _wo shi ni de_."

"Hn?"

"I am yours. Forever and always. Even unto the next life."

Will's eyes fell their clasped hands, then flitted to Jem's earnest face and the box of yin fen delicately balanced on his knees. "James...I…" he bent and buried his face in the curve of his lover's neck, holding him close in his arms.

"I love you. I mean every word, even if you cannot understand it. I want to stay with you for what little life you have left...I...I love you. You are my angel, my love. Don't...don't leave me. _Please_." his voice cracked on the last word in his earnesty, "_Fy cariad, fy angylion melys_."

"I will _never_ leave, William. Only death will part us. And...death is not the end. Merely a passage into the next life. And hopefully, that life will be happier. Longer. William Herondale, if we meet in the next life-"

"We will meet, _fy caraid._ We are _parabatai,_ tied together. Not just this life. In all."

"Must you interrupt me, William? As I was saying, if-when we meet in the next life, I...I want to…" Jem paused, a pale blush spreading like fire across his cheeks, "We simply must _not_ be _parabatai_ in the next life. At least then we can...our relationship, I...I do not want to keep this, us, a secret. I want-"

"I understand," a lazy smirk lit up Will's face, "and you would look beautiful in gold."


	2. Books

Jem huffed and folded his arms as he saw his _parabatai_ laying on his stomach, surrounded by piles of books, bent over one, others spread round him, opened, discarded, in the library.

"William!"

"Hm?" The other boy didn't even look up, just brushed a few stray curls from his face. They flipped back immediately and he huffed impatiently, eyes still darting across the page of the huge book. Jem watched as Will turned the page, completely absorbed in the book.

"It is dinner-time."

"Mn."

"Charlotte made your favorite."

"Mn."

"I caught a family of ducks and put them in your room."

"Mn…"

Jem huffed again and stomped his foot. "William!"

No answer. Will's eyes widened and he leaned forward eagerly, his fisted hands propping his head up. A long sigh and he seemed to radiate disappointment as he slumped and turned the page again. "_Damn_ you." he mumbled under his breath, brows wrinkled.

Jem scowled and took off his slipper and threw it at the other boy; who jumped and whirled around. "James! When did you...why did you…?!" Then he blinked, almost sleepily, "what time is it?"

"Time for you to stop reading. Will, you've been in here for the whole day! Wait. You were wearing that _yesterday_."

Will smiled sleepily up at Jem and the latter sighed and held out a hand for the other.

"So I was."

Jem just shook his head and tried-and failed-to keep the fond smile from his lips. "Bath, then dinner."

"Good, I am positively starved."

"What were you reading that kept you here since last night?" And why did no one notice?

"A Tale of Two Cities. It is rather good." He seemed unwilling to divulge, and pulled his hand from Jem's, a faint flush dusting ruddy cheeks.

"Oh? About?"

Will frowned back at the other boy and muttered, "A romance."

"I did not know you enjoyed those." Jem was glad Will had whirled away again; he knew that while he kept the smile from his voice, it was written all over his face. And he did know of the other boy's rash temper; seeing his parabatai laughing at him would...Will would be angered, to say in the least.

They stopped as Will gently ran a finger over the spines of the books on what seemed to be a random shelf, searching. He stopped with a quiet '_Aha_' and stood on his toes, wobbling slightly as he grabbed the spine of a thick book, high up on the shelf.

"Read this, I think...it will remind you of us." his blush darkened as Jem glanced up at him.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know how?"

If Jem noticed that Will had taken a step closer, he didn't say so. "How?" Merely backed into the nearest bookshelf. He knew it was sturdy enough to support his weight, Will's too, if necessary.

"I cannot tell you, otherwise I would spoil the book..yes, you are reading that book, James. But," Azure eyes darted to Jem's lips and back up to his eyes. Which were..._encouraging?_

"But?" Jem's arms curled around Will's waist, drawing him closer, flush against his body. Will lay his head against Jem's chest, feeling his heart beat, steady, steady. It calmed him.

"I'll give you a...taste of what's inside." Thus said, he lifted his head, and, hesitantly, stretched up, standing on his toes.

Jem leaned down and felt Will's lips barely brush against his own before he pulled away. "But Will, if I do," he slipped away from the shocked boy and threw his last words back, an amused smile curling the edges of his lips up, "it'd spoil the book."


	3. Cold

Jem woke as he heard his door open and shut almost silently, then felt an almost burning cold next to him. He blearily opened his eyes and sighed as he saw Will, shivering next to him.

"_William_-"

"It is cold. The window in my room is broken and will not shut." The 14-year-old muttered next to him, burying himself deeper into the sheets.

"Oh." It was a question.

A freezing hand clutched Jem by the collar and dragged him down into the tent of blankets, and bright eyes gleamed, almost catlike, in the dark. Jem shifted away from him, slightly perturbed by their closeness, but Will merely moved even closer.

"I was just in that cold-as-fuck room for Raziel knows how long. I should think I deserve this." a pause, "you are very warm." he added as an afterthought.

"You...thank you." It was another question.

Silence.

Just as Jem's eyes were beginning to close, Will nuzzled his cheek again with a cold nose. "Jem, you do not...find this..._strange_?"

"A bit. You do not, obviously."

"I have two sisters. In Wales, it is much colder...well. I _had_ two sisters."

"Oh. My parents, too…"

"I know."

Another long silence. Will yawned and pulled Jem even closer, curling his body into the other boy's.

"Jem?"

"Yes."

"I cannot sleep."

"Shall I tell you a story?"

A nod pressed into his neck. Jem shifted and stretched out, then closed his eyes. "Once, there was a small boy. He lived in Shanghai with his parents. His parents loved him and he loved his parents. Their lives were always filled with music; for there to not be music was unheard of. But one day when the boy came back from play, there was no music. Instead, there was a demon. A Greater demon, _Yanluo_. It had a grudge against the boy's parents for having killed him a long while ago, and he took them, and he tortured them. He drugged the boy so much that the boy could not even recognize his own parents...and then the demon killed the parents. And the boy's body had become so addicted to the drug by then that he had to keep taking it, else he'd die. But even if he did take the drug, he would die. So now-"

"You are dying."

Jem nodded and flinched away as something wet dripped onto his shoulder. And then again. "William...are you _crying_?"

"No." a pause, a sigh, "I really do like you."

More silence.

"William...I...I really do like you, to."

Jem felt the smile against his skin, heard it in Will's voice. He sounded satisfied. "You are very warm."

* * *

When Jem went to check Will's window the next morning, he had to smile.

The room was warm, and there was signs of a warm fire just banked.

And the window was closed.

* * *

**If I got any of the details of Jem's childhood wrong, I apologize. I haven't read TID in a while...**


	4. Distant

**This chapter actually has more than two characters! Aren't you proud of me? ouo**

* * *

The moment Jem stepped into the room, Will flushed and got up to leave, muttering a half-hearted excuse about having to clean his room. As he brushed past Jem, his arm grazed Jem's, and Will flinched and recoiled so hard his back hit the wall. He didn't even say anything, just hurried away, eyes averted.

When Will had rounded the corner, Jem turned back. Jessamine was gazing at him with an odd expression on her face-something between horror and happiness.

"Jessamine-"

"Nothing!" she picked up her skirts and swirled out the room, grumbling crossly. "I will never understand that boy."

Jem didn't reply; instead, took the apple he'd come for, and left as well, pondering Will's strange actions. He never seemed to want to be in the same room as Jem anymore; when they _had _to, he would fidget or make a scene until asked to leave. Whenever they accidentally touched, Will would recoil as if burned. Even eye contact...Will would never voluntarily look at Jem. And if their eyes would accidentally meet, Will would blush furiously and stammer an excuse to leave the room. He wouldn't spar anymore; he'd taken to even sparring with _Jessamine _before him.

And it had been happening for a long while. Almost for...a month. Ever since the storm, and Jem'd woken to see Will, mere inches from him, gazing at him with such a...t_enderness _in his eyes that Jem had blanched from the depth of it-

No. Before that. Since...since Will had barged into Jem's room while he was changing, the shirt half over his head. Embarrassment had colored Will's cheeks rose, and he'd stammered off into silence. Jem could still remember the intensity at which Will had gazed at him. Such intensity that it _hurt._

Jem's hold on the apple loosened, he didn't even register as it fell from his hand; barely half-eaten. It all made _sense _now. But by the _Angel, _Will was so _stupid._

Said boy opened the door halfway and his eyes darted away as a pale flush dusted his cheeks. "J-Jem-"

Jem opened the door fully. "Will, you _idiot._"

The words shocked the Herondale to silence and he frowned, eyes cast down. He flinched as Jem took his cheeks in his hands and Will's eyes widened at Jem's next words.

_"I love you, too."_


	5. Early

_"William. _Go to _sleep._"

Will huffed and propped himself up on his elbows, gazing down at Jem, annoyance flashing in his dark eyes. "But I _can't._"

"Why?"

"There is so much to _think _about."

"Think about it tomorrow. Sleep now."

"But I _can't_!" Will threw himself down with a huff.

A long sigh, and Jem threw the covers away and stood, wincing as his back cracked, once, twice, thrice, sending a sharp pain lancing up and down his spine. As he stepped from the bed, Will sat up.

"Jem?"

"_Lay. Down._"

"Oh? What will you do?"

Jem turned and shook his head at the lazy smirk flashed to him in the dark. "Nothing of _that _sort. Down."

Jem bent and waited until he heard the sheets rustle and the dull thump of Will throwing himself down before proceeding. The Herondale smiled slightly as he heard the faint sounds of Jem plucking the strings of his violin. Anyone else and he'd have laughed. But this was _Jem and his violin._

Jem stood again and sat on the edge of his bed, his back to Will. And then he began to play.

The notes were soft, a drizzle of heart-wrenching, beautiful sounds. Light and dancing but sombre and heavy at the same time. Jem swayed slightly as he played; the moonlight was at such an angle that it lit up his silver hair, shining it like stardust. Will propped himself on his elbows and just stared at the other boy, all intentions of sleep gone.

And then with another quiet tremor, the notes stopped; no, faded away. Jem turned as if coming from a deep sleep and blinked, flushing. "Will, you were supposed to be asleep."

"How could I, when I had an angel singing songs of the heavens mere inches from me?"

Jem rolled his eyes fondly as he set his violin and bow tenderly on the sill, stroking the instrument with a soft smile on his face. Will rose and pulled the other boy to him, resting his chin on Jem's shoulder as Jem lay his head against Will's.

With a long sigh, Jem murmured, "I love you."

Will nodded and pressed a kiss into the soft skin of Jem's neck before walking backwards with the other still in his arms until they fell back and landed with Jem still in Will's arms.

"Will? I like this." Jem yawned and nuzzled into Will.

"As do I, _fy caraid._"

"Will?"

When, after a long moment, he received no response, Jem turned his head ever so slightly and had to smile.

"Goodnight, William."


	6. Forever

They were sparring when it happened.

Jem was 'winning', twisting and ducking easily from Will's heavy punches, kicks and slashes, adding a few well-placed maneuvers as he shied away from his heavier opponent to make him lose his balance. And fall he did. Cerulean eyes went wide and Will grabbed onto the nearest thing he could find to keep his balance.

Which happened to be Jem.

The Carstairs boy yelped as he was dragged down, falling onto his _parabatai._

"Ouch." Will muttered.

Jem sprang up, apologies flowing from his mouth. Will held up a hand to stop him, an amused smile on his face. "I am fine. You...you are just heavier than you look."

"Is that all?"

"Of course. You could not hurt me, no matter how you try." Jem saw the flicker of a lie in Will's eyes, but didn't pursue it.

"Oh?"

"Of course." There it was again. Will's eyes darted away for the fraction of a second as he lied again.

"Willam. You are a _horrible _liar."

"I am _not _lying!"

"Willam. You did again."

"James Carstairs."

"William Herondale."

Will sighed, irritated, and ran a hand through unruly curls before speaking again. "_Must _you know?"

"You are my _parabatai, _we are bound. Forever. Your joy is my joy, your grief is my grief. You _must _tell."

Will looked away and leaned on his elbows, eyes narrowed as he stared at the ground at Jem's feet. "Sometimes," he began, "sometimes I wish we had never met." At the heartbroken look on Jem's face, he elaborated, "It is not you. I...you _broke _me. My heart has been cleaved in two, and it only worsens with each time I see you, because I know I can never _have _you. You will never be _mine._" A bitter laugh. "Yes, it sounds like what it is." Will raised his eyes to defiantly gaze at Jem, "I love you."

Jem's breath caught in his throat, and when he opened his mouth, all that came out as a strangled mewl. Will's eyes crinkled at the corners in amusement, then he slammed the mask over his face and was blank again.

"You do not accept me." his voice sounded bleak, but unsurprised.

"No, I...I suppose I _could _love you. I have never...thought of you, like that."

"You do not _think_ about love_. _It just _happens._"

"Oh? Then-"

Before he could say '_prove it'_, Will launched himself at his _parabatai _and took cool cheeks in his hands and kissed him. It was earnest, the kiss, but also lazy at the same time. Will...he _smelled _nice. Of something almost sickeningly sweet, dangerous, altogether forbidden. Of sneaking kisses in darkened rooms, of teasing glances and gestures in a crowded room. Of lust and want and need and-

_Love._

Jem _wanted _it.

He pulled away, breathless, a furious blush staining his face, only deepening in color as Will, eyes lidded, licked his already dampened lips.

"So _this _is what love is like." Jem whispered, voice half gone.

Will laughed lowly. "It is. Will be. If you take it."

A chaste kiss, Jem's lips curved upward in a grin. And then, forehead to forehead, he whispered, "I do."


	7. Gold

Will, Jem pondered, would look good in gold. Gold would clash beautifully with his ruddy skin, blend with his black curls, would set out his dancing azure eyes.

He told this to Will, and the other merely shook his head and smiled. A secret was in his eyes, something glimmering-beyond the usual playfulness mixed with seriousness that was always in the cerulean depths. It was almost maddening, trying to figure out that secret.

But every time Jem would approach him, Will would fix him with _That Gaze_-the one that weakened Jem's knees and set him stammering and blushing.

Like now.

"What should I wear?" Will asked, voice low, eyes teasing.

"Noth-_gold_." Jem's flush deepened as 'nothing' almost slipped out.

"_Nothing? _Oh, James. Naughty, naughty."

"Shut-" Jem was silenced with a searing kiss, his back hard against the wall, Will's leg finding the space between his and pressing almost painfully.

_Almost._

A whimper fell from Jem's covered lips at the sinfully good pressure and he inwardly cursed himself for turning to jelly at Will's touch, his kiss.

...What was Will supposed to wear?

_Wait._

He was supposed to do something…

Jem's thoughts shut down completely as Will's lips found his neck. _Later, _he promised himself, dazed, _he would ask later._

Which happened in two weeks.

A note on his bed, saying to go to Will's room, signed WH, amidst a thin coil of silver. Jem slipped the cord over his neck and fingered its charm, a ring, still warm, the ring Will always wore.

It made him smile.

And when Will rose to shut the door behind him, Jem _stared. _And his smile grew, because he was right.

Will _did _look good in gold.

.

.

.

But even _better _without it.

* * *

**I didn't like this one that much _ It was too boring to me**

**But the end, you can assume, was a lemon**


	8. Heat

There was only one reason that Jem could tolerate the heat.

Will.

But by the _Angel, _he almost made it unbearable.

"_William._"

"Yes?"

"Get. _Off._"

"But why?" Will drawled, rolling over and nuzzling his head into Jem's cheek, a catlike grin on his face.

"It is _hot_. Off."

"Don't you love me?" Will sat up, pouting, _still on top of Jem._

Jem rolled his eyes, annoyance flashing across his face. "Off. _Now._"

Will sighed and rolled away, an uncharacteristic pout on his face. "You are absolutely _no _fun."

"And you are just like a cat."

"Meow." Will rolled his eyes, then slid top Jem again. "Bored."

Jem close his eyes. Had they been open, he would have seen just how catlike Will was in that instant-curls falling in his glinting eyes, a playful smile-smirk flirting with his lips.

"What do you want me to do about it."

"Mn...you _really _can't guess?"

Jem fought a smile as Will's fingers danced up and down his stomach and sides. "Stop it, you know that tickles!"

"Oh? Maybe if you do what I want, I'll stop."

"But it is too _hot._"

"_Fine._"

Jem sighed in relief as Will rolled away, but a yelp of protest escaped his lips as the other boy scooped him up. "William! _Will! _Put me down this _instant _or I _swear-_"

Jem's words were swallowed by Will's mouth and after a long moment, the latter finally pulled away, licking his lips, a smirk etched on his lips. For that moment, Jem was _glad _Will was carrying him; he would have fallen otherwise with his limbs turned to jelly.

And then Will dropped him and a gasp flew from Jem's mouth as he was soaked to the bone in blessedly cold water.

He surfaced to Will's low laughter and scowled, swiping water from his eyes. "You..._you…_"

All complaints faded from his mind as Will slid into the marble tub as well, shivering, his eyes fluttering shut as a moan slipped from his mouth from the cold. And then his eyes opened and they were gleaming dark, shining playfulness. "Better?"

Jem raised his eyebrows as his _parabatai _dipped under. He didn't answer, instead, watched as Will scrubbed water from his hair and eyes.

"Marvelous! Am I not simply brilliant?"

"Of course, William." Said dryly. "As always. Your plans _never _fail."

"You mock me?"

"No, of course not. Perfectly serious." Jem leaned forward and captured Will's lips with his own.

The other raised a cold hand to Jem's now wet hair, keeping him close. Jem felt a shudder pass through Will's body as Jem flushed himself close and hesitantly swept his tongue against Will's. The sensation made Jem's lips curl up and Will huffed, blowing warm air onto Jem's face. And then he pulled away and bit down gently on Jem's lower lip and Jem frowned at him as he he smirked and let go to bend down to Jem's neck.

A low gasp fell from Jem's lips as Will bit down _hard. _"Will, someone...will see!"

"Let them. Everyone already thinks we are in some sort of _relationship _anyway."

"_But_-"

Will suddenly moved up and kissed the complaint from his _parabatai's _lips and pulled away quickly, reaching up to tug on Jem's shirt collar. "Off."

"No. We are _not-_"

"Then would you rather not at all?"

"...It will be messy…"

"So? Someone will clean it up. Charlotte, or Sophie." Will shrugged and glared at the shirt plastered to Jem's body. "_Off._"

"Fine." Jem sighed, unbuttoning the wet shirt, placing it gently (after wringing out the water, of course) on the floor next to the tub.

Cold fingers on his chest made him jump and Jem gazed up at Will indignantly as the younger boy peeled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, forgotten at once. And then Will just _stared _at Jem.

His angel had his back against the tub and was staring up at him with such a tender _love _in his eyes that Will nearly blanched from the depth of it. His eyes were lidded, glazed over slightly as he scanned Will's form; he reached out and his fingers danced lightly over the contours of his now bare chest, coming to rest for mere seconds on his shoulders before darting up to thick wettened curls to jerk Will down as his hips rolled up and it was so _hot _and it felt so _good _and _hell_, he loved it _all_.

"Pants off." Jem gasped out from in between kisses, cheeks flushed dark.

Will didn't even bother a reply (couldn't speak for the heat overwhelming him) just tried to peel Jem's pants from his body as the other boy jerked his hips up again, straining for that heady _friction._

"James. _Jem_, stop, I can't-" It was all Will could manage to get out before he finally got the annoying fabric _off _and then Jem was on top of him, kissing him hungrily. His fingers dug into Will's shoulders, the nails in so deep Will knew there'd be bruises, but he didn't care. The pain made the pleasure all the more electric.

Their fingers both fumbled with the button on Will's pants, and Will growled in impatience; their hands kept brushing him _there _and

"Stop being such a _tease…_!"

Jem smirked down at him and gripped him _hard, _sending a shiver of want up and down Will's body.

"A tease, am I?" Jem inquired, voice low, husky.

"Of course."

"Mn." A low groan slipped from Jem's lips as Will stroked him, soft, teasing. Jem jerked his hips forward, straining for more contact, but Will drew his hand away with a soft smirk, and held his fingers to Jem's mouth.

The latter pouted adorably before taking in Will's fingers, his tongue warm against them, swirling, sucking hard. And Will was _again _reminded what a _tease _Jem was with his bedroom eyes. Which soon slipped closed as Will's fingers left his mouth and instead dragged down his back to the space between his legs and Jem pressed into them, a low keen coming from his lips as Will's fingers just brushed him in that spot that would make him _scream._

And then they were gone.

"Will, you-" his voice broke and Jem buried his face in Will's neck to keep a wail in as Will's fingers were replaced with something _much bigger._

It hurt, it hurt so _good _and Jem only wanted _more, _more pain, more pleasure, more _Will. _A groan from behind him and Jem smirked. Obviously Will was feeling the same way. As they began the rhythm they'd long ago established-Jem riding at his own pace, Will's fingers dancing on every inch of available skin-something _changed. _Something more than just _need _was coursing through him...something like _love._

He hadn't felt _this _before.

Jem managed to gasp out, "Will...I love...you…"

To which Will laughed brokenly, and murmured back, "I do too."

Surprisingly, it wasn't the _feelings _that made Jem finally release, it was that one, harsh bite on his shoulder. It shocked him, made him want more, made him _scream._

And as he counted the stars in his vision, he heard Will's low voice, murmuring softly in Welsh. "_Rwy'n caru byddwch, fy seren, fy angel yn."_

_I love you, my star, my angel._

It made Jem smile.


	9. Ivory

**This is so short u_u I just couldn't. It's a companion to "Gold"**

* * *

Jem looked beautiful in white. White blended beautifully with his ghost-white hair and silver-white eyes and pale skin.

White was the color of mourning, for Shadowhunters, and Jem had done a fair share of mourning in his life. But white is also associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, and perfection.

And if Jem was _white, _then Will was _black._

Black, the color of night, the color of hunting. Black: power, elegance, formality, death, evil and mystery.

Will was the _yin _to Jem's _yang; _the dark to his light. They were two halves of a whole, two parts of one person. They were connected in more ways than just friends, more ways than just _parabatai, _more ways than just lovers. It was something _more._

Jem was life, Will was death. Jem love, Will hate.

Their very souls, even. Jem was pure white, the barest flecks of black in its midst. And all of Jem's tender kisses made Will's obsidian soul gradually fade to gray, to white. But even as Jem healed Will, he only corroded himself further.

He just didn't tell Will that. The Herondale merely thought Jem was an angel sent to protect him, to love him. But Jem kept healing, kept touching, kept kissing, kept _loving._ And when he finally died, his soul was black.

* * *

**Very short u_u**

**But the point gets across, no?**


	10. James

To Will, Jem was everything. More than everything. Jem was his heart, his soul, his very _life; _to have that all ripped away in the instant Jem died…

It was a trip to Hell and back again.

_Jem was dead_, Will had thought in almost a hysteric disbelief. The only man who had seen all of him, seen the best and worst parts of his soul, was _dead._

It didn't seem _possible, _even with the sharp pain thrumming through his body from the fading _parabatai _rune to prove it. Jem _couldn't _be dead. This was all just a trick. When Will got back, Jem would be waiting, a fond smile in his eyes, an exasperated frown etched on his lips.

He would stand, and draw close, and inquire, "Why did you take so long?"

And Will would inhale the sweet scent that was _Jem _and laugh breathily and touch a silken cheek and reply, "I honestly do not know how I managed to go so long without you."

And Jem would smile, and stand on his toes and loop his arms around Will's neck and place a gentle kiss on his lips. And Will would pull away and place a finger on Jem's slightly parted mouth and shake his head, smiling-or perhaps he would pull Jem into his arms and return the kiss, not thinking about anything except for that _he _and _his Jem _were _finally together again._

Most likely the latter.

And what would follow…

Will smiled, fondly remembering their last time. Jem had been...particularly _eager _that night, so much so that they had slept for a mere two hours before being woken by an irritated Sophie, saying that if they didn't get up _right now _she would tell Charlotte.

They both knew she wouldn't, but the fake-threat was enough motivation to get them fully awake.

Will still remembered the look on Jem's face when Sophie caught them (with Will's hand down Jem's pants, Jem's fingers stumbling against the buttons on Will's shirt) in a darkened room. Jem had flushed deep red and tried to duck under Will's arms to escape, but the Herondale merely pulled the elder boy close and said in a calm voice, Don't tell, or _else. _Sophie had agreed with a pinkened face, raised eyebrows, and there was a mix between a smile and a frown on her face.

It was no secret why.

She wanted _his Jem._

Except that Jem was _Will's. _They were bonded to each other in more ways than just _parabatai, _their connection ran deeper than that. _Everyone _knew it.

The only reason no one knew it ran _this _deep was because of that _stupid _Clave law.

Jem...it did not bother him, he was dying anyway...but Will, he couldn't. Couldn't lose his angel, ever.

Will smiled again. Still remembered when they'd first kissed. They were twelve, freshly bonded. They'd gone out to Blackfriars Bridge on a whim of Jem's, one night. It was clear, the moon bright. It sent a halo of milky light around Jem, turning his hair silver and eyes ghost-white.

"_Angel_…" he'd murmured.

Jem, eyes wide, glanced up. "What?"

"Nothing. You...you are quite...beautiful, you know?"

"No, William, I am not." It was said fondly.

"You are. You look like an angel. _My _angel."

Jem nodded ever-so-slightly, and then Will looped his arms around Jem's waist and kissed him.

Will remembered when Jem had first played him the violin. He had looked even more angelic then, the instrument singing songs of the angels to him. Jem was _his angel._

Will remembered when Jem had quietly, hesitantly, told him that he was in love with him. And Will had taken him into his arms again and they had just stood there in a hug-it was beautiful. _Jem _was beautiful.

Jem could _not _be dead.

No, Will did not believe anyone when they said it was true.

Jem had _promised _not to die. He'd _promised._

His very words: "I will _not _die, William. I _promise. _I will always be there to catch you when you fall."

"Catch me." Will murmured, swaying on the edge,

And then, without fear, without any emotion, at that, he jumped.

Low words in a silky voice next to his ear, strong arms around him. Will wasn't sure if he was falling or not anymore, if he was dead or alive. "Did I not tell you I would catch you when you fell, William?"

A smile.


	11. Kiss

Jem was staring at Will again.

He had been doing this for a long while now, just pausing in whatever he was doing to stare, eyes glazed over slightly, face blank. Even speech. Whatever he was saying, he would just trail off and _stare._

"James, is there something on my face?" Will asked him, flicking his forehead.

He jumped and his silvery eyes widened as he realized what he'd been doing and he flushed a delicate rose pink.

_Adorable._

"No, just…" he shook his head eagerly and Will reached out to brush silvery strands from his face and he leaned into the Herondale's touch, nuzzling his hand.

_His skin was so soft._

The book dropped from Will's hands and they sprang apart as if burned and Will turned away, searching frantically for something to say. "I want to leave here, forever." he blurted out, confessing a secret that'd never seen light.

"W-what?"

"I want to leave. _Forever._"

"But...William-"

"There is nothing keeping me here."

At that, hurt flashed in his eyes. "Nothing?" his voice was soft, carefully kept emotionless.

"No, nothing-"

Jem lunged toward Will and crushed him against the bookshelf, his hands fisted in his shirtsleeves, and Jem's lips clumsily smashed onto Will's. He pulled back a split-second after, face flushed, eyes betraying the sadness his face kept locked away. "Please do not leave, William. I would not be able to bear it if you did..."

When Will didn't reply, sadness broke over in Jem's eyes and he whirled away and hurried out the room. Will heard the slam of his door moments later, but didn't move to follow him. Instead, he ran my finger against my lower lip. Couldn't help it. _By the Angel his lips were soft._

_...Definitely not leaving now._


	12. Love and Lust

_Jem was in love._

But no one could know, of course. Especially not his _parabatai_, for William Herondale was the object of his oh-so-obvious affections. He thought the Herondale boy knew, for the glances he'd been given at any given moment. It was puzzlement always on Will's face, puzzlement and...amusement. It was in his voice as well, in his touch.

It was on a Friday night that they finally broke and everything..._changed._

"James," Will inquired in a low voice as he lay stretched out on Jem's bed, "I have a question."

"Yes?" Jem stood and went to his box of yin fen. Half full...he took as little as he needed and hated how...good it felt with the drug coursing through his system.

"How do you..._feel_ about me, exactly?"

Jem whirled at the question. Will was gazing away from him, eyes lidded, his fists clenched tight. "I...you are my brother-"

"But is that all?" he was strangely earnest. And then his gaze shot up and Jem staggered back at the rush of emotions. Need, sadness, anger. But the most prevalent one was..._fear._

"...No." It was a mere whisper accompanied by the shake of his head. Jem felt his pulse spike dramatically as Will said nothing. And then the Herondale was in front of them, and the box was on the floor, and Jem was crushed between the cold wall and Will's body, and Will was kissing him.

Jem..._liked_ it.

* * *

Will _wanted_ Jem. The slight asian boy across from him was so oblivious to how alluring he was, and all Will wanted was to jump him and-

_No._ Bad idea.

Silvery eyes glanced up and Jem started, eyes widening. "What, do I have something on my face?"

Will's eyes immediately fled to Jem's lips. They looked so soft.

"_Will_."

"Oh, sorry, what? You do." Will stood and bent over his parabatai and drew his thumb across Jem's lower lip. It was _so soft_. Jem tolerated the touch for a moment before he smirked and said in a low voice, "If you wanted to, you could have just asked."

And then Will took a step back because _was Jem giving him permission to_-

To further prove his point, Jem oh-so-obviously let his gaze wander from Will's eyes to his mouth to his pants and a gasp was covered by Will's lips as he slid atop the older boy, fingers threading through white hair, flushing himself close.

Will pulled away to rest his forehead against Jem's and breathed out slowly. He'd just kissed Jem. And Jem had kissed back. "You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do that."

Jem laughed, just barely. "I do." ignoring the startled look on his _parabatai's_ face, Jem nudged Will away and stood. "Continue this elsewhere, shall we?"


	13. Moonlight

Will was twelve when he first kissed Jem.

They were freshly bonded to each other, everything was still sensitive, emotionally wise. And the runes were..._stronger,_ to say in the least.

And...Will had begun to..._notice_ things. About Jem. Things that he'd noticed but not really cared about until now. Because _hell,_ he _wanted_ the slight Asian boy. He was in love, and he was in lust, and he _didn't care._

Not that anyone _knew,_ of course.

It was against the Law, and for him to be separated from his angel for even a moment longer than he absolutely had to..._no._ It could not happen. _Ever._

But, _hell_, it was hard to control his..._impulses_.

There were so many things he wanted to do and by the _Angel_, Jem's lips looked so soft.

Not that Jem knew, of course.

But that night, he just couldn't take it.

It was a warm night, and Will gazed at Jem's reflection in the water as they stood on the edge of Blackfriars Bridge.

Jem had finished talking in his hesitant, quiet voice, and was looking at Will expectantly. Will blinked and flushed. "Yes…?"

"You were not listening, were you?" Exasperated, though fond.

"I apologize, James."

Jem placed a soft hand on Will's cheek. His eyes showed his worry. "You do not look well. And you...your _yengyuan_, your energy, has been...different, as of late. It is all..._off_. What is wrong?"

"Nothing." It came out harsher than Will intended, but Jem payed his tone no mind.

"Even in the short time I have been with you, I can tell your truths from your lies," Jem's eyes went hard, "you are my _parabatai_ now. We are bonded. Tell me."

What to say? _"I'm in love with you,"_ and have him run away? _"Nothing,"_ and leave it at that?

Will just gazed at Jem for a long moment. The moon's glow sent a soft halo of light around Jem, turning his fine gray hair silver and eyes a smoky white. He looked like an angel, some sort of strange guardian angel sent to protect him of all people.

A tender smile flickered across Will's lips and he leaned against the rail of the Bridge, pulling Jem to him in a fierce hug. Hesitantly, Jem hugged Will back, flushing his body into the taller boy, and Will had to close his eyes at the irony, because, just like in those cliche romance novels, Jem fit perfectly against him.

Jem drew away slightly and smiled gently up at Will. "Tell me now?"

"Tell you, or show you?" _Brilliant!_ At least this way, Will could get a kiss out of it as well. However chaste it would be, it didn't matter. He knew Jem would pull away, and he knew his angel would run, but it would be worth it.

Jem's eyes showed the curiosity that his face didn't. And then Will knew what the next thing he would say would be. "Must you-"

"Be so difficult? Of course. Now come."

When Jem was a step or two away, Will tugged him closer by the collar and kissed him.

He was right.

Jem did pull away.

But he didn't run.

Just looked up at Will, eyes wide, face flushed, mouth parted slightly. And then he smiled, and brushed another chaste kiss against Will's mouth, leaving him wanting more. And then he pulled from Will's arms completely, a smile in his eyes. Before he walked away, he called back, "Try again in a few years."


	14. Night

Will noticed the stars. Why wouldn't he? They were very conspicuous of late. Ever since that boy- James- had arrived the other day from China, those twinkling lights had been especially bright. Almost as if they were trying to tell him something…something about James. Will pondered this as he sat in the window seat, in a daze. He should have been asleep a long time ago, but something kept him awake despite his exhaustion.

At the sound of the door creaking open, Will sprung to his feet on instinct before his brain was fully aware of his actions. The figure in the doorway pulled back slightly at the sudden movement. In the dark, Will couldn't recognize the still unfamiliar shadow.

"Who's there?" Will demanded, hand edging toward his seraph blade.

"It is me, Jem," said the silhouette whose name was evidently Jem. "Is this a bad time, William?"

Will's hand immediately dropped back to his side and his body relaxed in posture. "No, of course not. Come in."

Jem entered the room with light, soundless steps, chin raised defiantly to look Will in the eye. Will appreciated the boy's boldness. "Is there a lamp to light in this room or do you live in darkness?"

Will was tempted to answer sarcastically, but he saw something in Jem's eyes shining in the dim light that sewed his lips shut. He went to light his bedside candle. "Is there a reason that you grace me with your presence at such an hour?" Will asked, hoping a little that Jem would say _'no.'_

Unfortunately, Will's wishes were not fulfilled. "Yes, I… Well. I ran out of matches, and I did not want to bother Sophie at this hour."

Will was taken aback. He raised an eyebrow mockingly. "Why, James! Are you afraid of the dark?"

Jem sat in the window and assumed the position Will had taken just a few minutes ago. He didn't answer for a long time. "Not the dark, exactly," he provided finally. "I do not like being alone in a strange room in the dark. At night, really. It raises unpleasant memories."

Will was silent.

Jem was silent.

Steeling himself, Will approached the snowy-haired boy and sat beside him. "You do not need to be afraid anymore," said Will. "You are safe here."

Jem turned his head and looked at Will. Will looked back and tried to convey a message with his eyes. _You can come to me whenever you need to. I will protect you._

Jem smiled. "I know." He gazed up at the pulsing stars. "It is a beautiful night, is it not?"


	15. Orpheus

_The music was so beautiful. Alluring and haunting, lovely and tragic all at the same time. William didn't know, couldn't decide, if he wanted to run away or venture closer, find the source of the sweet, strange sounds. Everyday he would freeze what he was doing as the music started up and he would stand in a trance for what seemed like hours, days, months, years. When he woke from his daze, he was farther away from home, closer to the music that seemed to draw him closer._

_It scared him._

_He ran._

_And yet, at the same time, he wanted it. Badly._

_He found himself staring out the window, aimlessly waiting for the music to start again. This time, he would find the source of the bewitching sounds. He would, no matter what._

_And there, perched on a boulder big enough for two, sat a boy. He looked about William's age, and_

_He was the one who'd been playing the beautiful music._

_He was pouring out the sweet notes as easily as breathing, eyes shut tight, a faint, bitter smile on his ivory-pale face. His hair was silver-white, falling around his face like a halo. And was that...a tear?_

_This strange, ethereal boy...he was crying?_

_William stepped forward and his foot brushed against a leaf and the sound was unnaturally loud in the stillness that was only this beautiful song. And the boy stopped, the bow dropping from his with a soft pat onto the ground. His eyes widened in shock, fear._

_"Who...who are you?"_

* * *

Every day, Will would wake to the soothing sounds of violin, and every day, he would find his beloved outside, playing softly. Every day, the music would stop as he dropped down beside him and greet the elder with a chaste kiss, and every day, the silver haired would smile gently and insist on going inside, he would pour tea, and what else did Will want to eat?

Every day was the same for them, heavenly. Time seemed still; William didn't even realize how long he'd been with the other boy until

"Happy birthday, William."

"Jem...you-"

Jem silenced him with a delicate finger to his lips, an amused smile flirting with his lips. "I knew you would have forgotten, but I did not. This is the only time you turn 16, William."

_Sixteen._

"I am _how old_?"

"Sixteen, William." He sounded greatly amused.

"We've been together for _6 years_…"

"The happiest of my life."

Will stretched out his arms and pulled Jem down on the bed next to him, cradling him close. "And a long life for us."

Jem didn't reply, just nuzzled his nose into the curve of Will's neck. The younger felt a smile pressed into his skin and Jem murmured, "I wish it could stay like this forever."

A deep sense of foreboding settled in Will's gut as the words stilled in the air. His arms involuntarily tightened around Jem and he kissed the elder boy's forehead as the other inched closer. "Me too."

Will told himself not to worry. It was his birthday, after all. He should be happy. "Jem, play me something," he sighed. The ivory-haired boy always managed to cheer him up with his music. Jem smiled fondly and untangled himself from Will's embrace.

"Of course. Anything for you, on your birthday."

Jem stood and went to his violin, taking a moment to tune it, then he rested the instrument on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and lifted the bow to the strings. The violin seemed to play itself, singing to Will of happiness and love and a bright future, of hungry kisses and tender hugs and music, always music. After what seemed like years, and many songs later, Will stood and brushed a kiss against his young lover's lips.

"Thank you. Your music is lovely, as usual."

Jem laughed and flushed pale pink, changing the subject. "Are you hungry? I was going to make _youtiao_, but I fear I've run out of sugar. My apologies." Jem put away the wooden instrument as he spoke.

Will brightened. "I know of a beehive in the forest. The bees there make the best honey, we can use that instead. I will go collect some."

Jem looked worried. He didn't trust the forest; demons lurked there. "Are you sure?"

"Of course. I will be fine, James." Will pressed another kiss to silken lips, and this time, he lingered, a soft smile etched on his lips as Jem's fingers stroked his cheeks fondly.

"Be careful, love."

"I shall." Another kiss, this one hungry, aggressive. Will nearly pulled away as he felt something wet and almost _slimy_ part his lips but didn't, that _foreboding_ feeling again stilled him and Will pressed closer, hesitantly letting Jem's tongue brush against him. It wasn't _good_, nor _bad_, but Will welcomed it. The feel of silken hair sliding between his fingers, the sweet smell that enveloped Jem in a haze, soft lips sliding over his own.

Jem pulled away this time, letting his forehead rest against Will's. "William…"

"I love you."

_"Wo ai ni, tai. Yao xiaoxin."_

Will touched Jem's lower lip lightly. By now he knew what Jem was saying._ I love you, too. Be careful._ "I promise I will be careful. I will return shortly."

Jem nodded reluctantly, still unconvinced but not wanting to disappoint Will on his birthday. Will set off into the familiar woods with a jar, given to him by Jem before he left. He took his time wandering through the trees, enjoying the warm breeze that ruffled his hair.

Suddenly, Will saw a dark shape out of the corner of his eye. Dismissing it as a large animal, he continued on cautiously. But then, only several paces ahead, Will stopped short. Before him stood the hulking dark shape he had seen earlier. It was not an animal he had ever seen before. Will took a step back as the demon approached him, the ugly creature's teeth glinting in the dappled sunlight. It snarled.

"Jem," Will called over his shoulder without turning, still backing up.

The demon reared back, claws slashing menacingly. It looked hungry. The jar shattered as it hit the ground, slipping from Will's hands. He turned and ran as fast as he could, but the demon was faster, it was upon him, and he was screaming, the name of his lover echoing through the forest as the demon leapt. "_Jem_!"

* * *

When his lover had not returned by sunset, Jem couldn't take waiting any longer. He went out immediately, taking a lantern and a few knives. He knew where Will had disappeared into the forest, and he knew Will's intended destination. Just didn't know where he'd-

Broken glass sent a sharp pain through the flimsy shoes he wore. Jem looked down and he nearly fell in shock, in pain. It was the jar he'd given Will. Nothing was in it, so he knew Will hadn't made it to the hive.

Walking faster now, calling out his angel's name, regardless of the demons he knew were there. A stench hit his nose suddenly and he stopped, bile rising in his throat. Blood. Jem closed his eyes, raised his lantern, and chanced a look.

A cry of grief and a shattered lantern plunged him into the dark.

* * *

For days, Jem would only lie in bed, Will's shirt clutched to him. It smelled of him, and that was all he could bear. Tears leaked from Jem's eyes constantly, and he could only remember his blue-eyed angel as he slipped in and out of consciousness.

And then.

An idea.

Will always said his violin playing sounded like the angels. Maybe…

Jem stood suddenly, wobbled, groaned. It'd been days. But he was determined, and nothing would stop him. To himself, quietly, he said, "With my song, I will charm the Lord of the Dead, and his queen. Moving their hearts with my melody. I will bear William away from Death."

* * *

Jem supposed Hell wasn't really as bad as he thought. Bow clutched tightly in one hand, violin in the other, he breathed out a shaky breath. Hands trembling, he brought the instrument to his chin and with one not, charmed all the sound in that desolate place to silence.

As he saw tears in the black-haired Queen of Death's eyes (they were the deepest blue, like William, and she held herself like him as well) and the anguish in the eyes of Death himself, Jem's music faded. On his knees, he pleaded,

"Oh Gods who rule the dark and silent world, all lovely things at last go down to you. You are the debtor who is always paid, while we tarry up on earth. Then we are yours forever and forever. But I seek one who came to you too soon. The bud was plucked before the flower bloomed. I tried to bear my loss, but I could not bear it. Love was too strong, Oh death, you yourself should know. If that old tale I was told is true, how once the sky wept at the taking of your Queen, then weave again for sweet William; life's pattern that was taken from the loom

too quick. See, I ask a little thing, only that you will lend, not give, him to me. He shall be yours when the years' span is full."

Without looking towards her King, the Queen stepped from her throne to cup Jem's cheeks in her hands and stand him with her. In an almost-silent whisper of heavy skirts, she led him to stand before Death, who gazed on dispassionately, his ice pale face propped up by a cadaver white hand. Faded brown hair curled into his eyes-almost like Will's, Jem thought. A tear came to his eye and almost spilled over, but for a soft, frozen finger wiping it away.

"Never has a mortal charmed tears from my eyes, nor Death's," the Queen said in a cold, gentle voice, "and do not cry. Your...William," she paused again, eyes cast down, "will be returned to you."

A dry cough. "Do you rule now?"

"_Gabriel_." she shot a dark look at him and Death (_Gabriel_?) let out a long sigh that made Jem's very soul tremble.

"Do what you will."

"Of course. Whatever you say." The Queen turned her back on Death with a roll of her eyes (she really was like his William. Jem had to smile at that) and took his hand in hers and led him away, to the barren path to life.

"You may have him, but for one condition. You must not look back as he follows you, until you reach the upper world. Else he will vanish, and you may not find him again." she kissed his cheeks gently, "Now go, _bach cerddor_."

Jem nodded slightly and turned his back on Death's Queen to start the long journey up again. He knew that Will was just behind him, but he longed to give one glance to make sure. But now they were almost there, the blackness was turning gray; now he had stepped out joyfully into the daylight. Then he turned to Will. It was too soon; he was still in the cavern. Jem saw him in the dim light, and he held out his arms to clasp him; but on the instant, Will was gone.

Jem saw Death's Queen come to take his love, saw the anguished look on her face, and in that instant, saw that the Queen was the mirror image of his Will. Pity was on her face now, and then Jem felt Will's hand brush his cheek and he swore he saw a single glistening tear on his lover's face as he whispered, "_Farewell_."


	16. Parabatai

This was, Will mused absently, all too stiff. Almost like a mundane wedding-though he knew mundanes had gotten their ideas from them.

Not that he minded. The idea of _marryin_g this fragile boy didn't repulse him like it did anyone else. He really did _like_ this boy. He was feminine, but not feminine enough to scream at the smallest bits of blood, like Jessamine. He was tough, like Will, but held all the tenderness Will did not. And that tenderness and was that _love_? It was shining bright in Jem's eyes as he gazed at Will. With the hint of impatience and worry.

Will really did think he was in-

"Whither thou goest, I will go."

_No no no no no. Can't think like that. Not about Jem. He is your parabatai now, your brother. No. Not him. Anyone but him._

And yet...Will didn't care. He felt a surge of possessive want over the boy, coupled by a rush of...yes, it was..._love_.

"Where thou diest, will I...die." Jem's voice shook on the last word; the smallest bit of fear shone in his eyes.

_Protect Jem._

That's all Will thought as he heard the fear in Jem's voice, saw it in his eyes.

Will gripped his soon-to-be _parabatai's_ hands tighter in his, wincing slightly as the flames grew white-hot. There was a question in silvery-black eyes, but Will continued with the barest nod. "And there will I be buried,"

"The Angel do so to me, and more also," Jem's voice was stronger, more assured, but still hesitant.

Will gazed at his _parabatai_ for a long moment before speaking, the flames almost unbearably hot. But all he could see now was Jem's face, shining with an excitement he knew was partly his. Just this one line and they would be connected for the little life Jem had left. Just hopefully, he would not kill Jem faster…

Will banished those thoughts. _No. Jem would not die._ And he did not need to know that Will was afraid. Because if _Will_ was afraid, then-

"If aught but death part thee and me."


	17. Quiet

Jem nuzzled into his _parabatai's_ hold, his eyes slipping shut as Will threaded his fingers through silken hair. He could stay like this forever, Jem mused, in the quiet, on the grass, in Will's arms, with the sun sending pleasurable warmth on them.

"Will?"

"Mn?" Will murmured back. He shifted slightly, and pulled Jem closer, taking his softer hands in his and absently playing with them in his.

Jem nestled closer and didn't answer, just closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of calloused fingers sliding over his. Will's low voice inquiring his name made him flinch. "What? Oh. I want every day to be like this."

Will pressed a kiss into Jem's forehead and nodded. "I know. You know, we almost are...normal. Like this."

"As normal as."

Will understood. Sure, the were Angel-bred demon-hunters, eternally bound to each other, and sure, they broke one of the most prominent laws _ever_ every day by loving each other, and Jem was dying, and Will was cursed...but still. They had each other.

"Will?" Jem asked in a small voice, "Why me?"

Will frowned for a long moment and fingered the rune binding Jem to him, and him to Jem.

"For _parabatai_ or-"

"Us."

"Because…" Will hummed and his fingers again traipsed through ghost-white locks as he thought of an adequate answer. "Because you _complete_ me. I was always afraid to let people close, but you, only you, knew I was really afraid of being left alone. And as time went on, I...found I _enjoyed _your presence. Even if we did not talk. Just you, there, and me...I looked forward to it. Even all of your flaws-a short list, James-I do not think I could even _care_ about them. They are _you_. _You_ are you. Change a thing and it is no longer James Carstairs, but the mere shade of you. How could anyone _not_ choose you is the real question."

Jem turned to face Will, sitting on his heels with his hands on Will's slightly spread legs. Eyes earnest, he leaned forward so his forehead touched his parabatai's. And then he murmured, "I love you."

Will's lips flirted with a grin before he sealed the gap between them, roughened hands tenderly holding the other boy close. It wasn't an earnest kiss-lazy and gentle, sweet.

"And I love you,_ fy caraid_."

And Jem traced a pattern on Will's leg as Will cradled him again, and closed his eyes, resting his head against Will's chest. "Will?"

"Yes?"

"I'm happy."

Jem felt Will press a smile against his forehead and had to smile too. "Me too."


	18. Ritual

None of this was a ritual. It just happened.

Like today.

Jem's eyes fluttered open at the low moan that passed from Will's lips. He glanced down at the other, who was stretched down on his lap, and slim fingers threaded lazily through dark curls as Will stretched, his back cracking again. Another moan slipped from the Herondale and Jem bent down to kiss where he knew Will's pulse was. As predicted, beneath Jem's tongue and lips, Will's pulse spiked dramatically, and he shifted at the uncomfortable position.

Jem pulled away long enough to pull Will up to straddle his lap, where their lips met in a bruising kiss. Their tongues danced almost lazily with each other; Jem's arms curled around Will's neck and Will rolled his hips down as Jem's jerked up and the friction made Jem pull away with a gasp. Will grinned and ground his hips against Jem's with all the force he could, and saw stars in his vision.

Slim fingers beneath his shirt, tracing every contour of his chest made Will jump and Jem laughed breathily, the sound changing to a gasp as Will rolled them over suddenly to pull Jem up and push him into the nearest wall, his leg finding the space between Jem's and moving roughly. Another gasp and Will stopped and Jem glared, seizing dark curls to pull Will to him again in another kiss. This one was hungrier, and now Jem had his legs around Will's waist and they were still kissing and now Jem's back hit the floor and knocked the breath from him and Will laughed lowly, his hands finding the space between Jem's legs and Jem scowled up at him and muttered a 'no' and Wil pulled away, eyebrows raised.

But he didn't question, just did as asked and plunged in, a twin gasp escaping Jem's lips–though the Herondale's was out of pleasure, and the Carstairs' out of pain. Will knew that the silver-haired boy hated the whole preparation process, and...he had to admit that he enjoyed the responses he got out of Jem from his pain. Like now, with the Asian boy writhing beneath him as he thrusted into him shallowly, the combination of sweat and blood letting him go in smoother, deeper.

Jem bit his lip and his nails raked over Will's back at the pain (and yet it was intertwined with delicious _pleasure_, but the pain made it even more addicting) the friction, the heat, that Will gave him. A wail rose from his throat and Will stifled it with his lips as Will hit that _spot_ and Jem bit Will's lip _hard_ and blood rushed up and now Will had Jem's tongue in his teeth and was pulling lightly-a show of dominance and _why-did-you-do-that-it-hurt!?_

Jem whimpered, eyes rolling back, and Will released his tongue, leaning down to instead bite down hard on his neck.

"V-vampire...!" Jem gasped out between heavy breaths.

Will just laughed and licked the shell of Jem's ear before biting down on the lobe. His teeth and tongue traveled to Jem's mouth again and they met in another kiss, as, with one last harsh bite, Jem's whole body drew taut and he came _hard_, shuddering from the feelings coursing through him.

The sight-Jem flushed beneath him, panting, shivering, eyes rolled back and angry bites already peering through, did it for Will. And then those bedroom eyes looked up at him and-

Will pushed Jem (albeit gently) away from him and Jem stood stiffly and collected his clothes and went to his room, and Will bathed.

And then they returned to the couch, and Jem sat down and Will laid his head in the silver-haired boy's lap and began reading again, and Jem again began petting Will's (now damp) hair.


	19. Silence

Jem _hated_ the silence. Silence meant bad things-be wary, sickness. Run away.

For anyone else, silence was just a mere absence of sound, but to Jem, silence meant _death_.

The first time his home had been completely silent was the day of their capture. It was terrifying there, in the demon's lair, but the most terrifying thing wasn't that they'd been captured, or even the demon itself, or even the looming threat-promise-of death.

It was the _silence_.

No, not _complete_ silence, it was broken by the constant jeering of the demon, the cries and pleading of his parents, the screams and whimpers Jem didn't know were his own.

But stay the silence.

After that day, the silence became a sound its own. Jem was terrified of it. His parents-dead-offered no quiet songs of a brighter future, of hope, of joy, of love.

And the demon _knew_ it.

And then it was always silent.

Until he was brought to dreary London and met that beastly blue-eyed, raven-haired boy that was William Herondale, his love, his angel.

The boy never quiet, even when he ceased speaking, his very _presence_ vibrated with such an energy, a _music_…

Jem's very soul yearned to reach out and play it, to match it pitch for pitch, every rhythm, every harmony.

It felt so..._natural_, when they became _parabatai_, when they became more.

To Jem, it was as if his song had finally found a partner, and now life just wasn't so _bad_ anymore, because he had Will's music always in his ears.

No more silence.


	20. Trust

Jem realized just how much he trusted Will after _that_ day.

And now the Herondale boy was half-dead because of him.

Jem bit his lip and fidgeted with his clenched fists as he gazed down at his unconscious _parabatai_. The boy was shirtless, laying with _iratzes_ covering his chest. A long scar spanned from his left shoulder to right hip, but it was barely seen under all the ink. As Jem's fingers brushed against the puckered scar, Will's face scrunched up in pain and Jem drew away quickly, his lip between his teeth.

"William, I am so very sorry. You got hurt for me and…" he paused, "I simply cannot bear it. Seeing you like this. It should be me in your place. Why, William? _Whyever_ did you do it?"

No answer.

"I wish you had not. It is not worth it. _I_ am not worth it."

Still no answer, but Jem saw Will's eyelids flicker.

"I will tell you because you cannot hear me, but, William? I love you. I really do. And not the way you love me. I am in love with you. I only just realized it, when you jumped in front of me, and I saw you fall, and…"

Silence.

"I had to...we are _parabatai_. Hafta stick...together. Forever."


	21. Umbrella

The clouds were a dark, rolling, angry gray, rain pelted down, and white-hot lightning illuminated the scene in quick flashes.

It was much like William's mood at the current moment.

He abandoned his post by the windowsill and stalked from his room in the Institute, ignoring a flustered Jessamine, who he accidentally bumped into. He even ignored the familiar polished wood door, the closed portal into his _parabatai's_ room. He did slow, however, and his brows wrinkled together as he listened.

No sound from the room.

Hopefully it meant Jem was asleep. He needed that more than anything else at the moment.

Will shook his head forcefully and banished the thoughts from his head. No good would come from his worrying, especially not now.

Head bent sulkily, Will walked a few more paces before he heard a series of soft noises from behind the door. Will stopped to listen. He could hear, faintly, the bed creaking as Jem shifted in it. The wooden sound of things being moved across a table, the clink of metal as he opened a box. _The_ box. By now, Will recognized the sound of it.

A quiet curse mumbled in Chinese- or, Will assumed it was a curse, because he didn't really understand what was said. Jem heaved a few wet, gurgling, muffled coughs. Worried now, Will lifted his fist to knock on the door.

"Come in, William." Jem said with a tired voice.

Will drew his hand back (he hadn't even touched the door!) and hesitantly turned the knob.

"Can I help you with something?" Jem offered once Will had entered, expertly hiding the contents of his yin fen box. Will knew it was empty.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Will replied. His eyes were on _the_ box, and he suddenly _hated_ it, hated it for taking away his Jem.

Jem smiled wearily. "Yes, well. You always seem to know what's happening with me. I hate to ask you, but-"

Will cut him off. "Of course. I will buy you more."

Jem lifted himself out of bed carefully, walking toward the dresser on the far wall.

"What are you doing?" Will demanded.

Jem brushed him off, opening a drawer and pulling out his purse. "You cannot expect me to let you pay for it yourself. It has gotten rather expensive of late." Jem held out the purse to Will.

Will rolled his eyes. "My money is your money, it is no trouble."

"Precisely why you will take mine. I insist."

Will knew his _parabatai_ well enough by now to know that this was something Jem would be stubborn about. With a sigh, Will took the purse and left.

Outside, it had stopped raining so hard, though the sky was still swallowed by irate clouds. Will trudged along, hands tucked in his coat pockets for warmth. The place was far, but not far enough for Will to waste money on a carriage. As usual, it was dark inside, and smelled of opium. Will made the transaction quickly, wanting to hurry back to the Institute before the rain began to really fall again.

Five minutes later, Will came to the conclusion that he hadn't been fast enough. Damn his luck, of course this would happen. Droplets of water heavily pelted his back and blinded him partially. Will blinked, trying to make out the road ahead. Why hadn't he thought to bring an umbrella?

"Will!" The familiar voice was accompanied by a slight figure. Jem was running in the rain, the idiot. Why hadn't he stayed home, in his condition?

"Jem, you fool, why would you come after me in this weather?" The insult was grudgingly amiable.

The white-haired boy smiled, breathing heavily. "I came…because of…the weather." he panted.

He handed something to Will- an umbrella. Will shook his head. Jem never ceased to amaze him.

"Are you quite alright?" Will inquired, seeing Jem resting against a streetlamp, breath still labored.

Jem grinned. "Perfectly fine."

"Good."

Will opened the umbrella and held it above his head, holding out his hand to Jem. Jem took it and huddled close to his _parabatai_ as the chill pressed against them. So they walked back home, and Will wondered if the rain was such a bad thing, after all.


	22. Violin

The only time Jem felt truly _complete_ was when he played the violin. It made him feel _alive_, as if he weren't to die soon, as if his whole life stretched in front of him, endlessly.

The only thing that was better than playing was playing for someone. Will. Not only Will, but mostly him. It was the only time when Jem had complete control over Will, and not the other way around.

Will had always said Jem's violin playing had an ethereal, hypnotic quality to it. Anyone else he'd heard after Jem sounded so...dull, lifeless.

"Is that so, WIlliam?" Jem soudned amused.

"Of course." Will leaned back against the headboard and gazed with lidded eyes at Jem. "Your violin...it and you are truly _one_. Even closer than you and I."

"No, nothing is closer than you and I."

"And yet, and yet," Will paused, "I and you both know it is true."

"Mayhap, but you and I, and you and she are completely different. She, I hold fond attachment for. I could easily part with her for a new instrument. You...I could _not_. You are valuable to me, more so than any instrument."

A quick smile flashed across Will's face, settling deep into his eyes, and he beckoned to Jem, who sat nestled into his _parabatai's_ side.

"Do you remember," Will began to absently twirl Jem's hair through his fingers, "when you first played for me?"

"How could I forget?" Will heard the quiet laugh in his words, "it was forever ago, back when you thought me yours."

"But you are! Always have been, forever will be."

An affectionate nuzzle to Will's shoulder. "I suppose you are right."

"When am I not?"

Jem sat up and gave Will a dry look, and Will grinned. "You know it is true. I am _always_ right."

"Whatever you say, William." Jem rolled his eyes and again curled up next to Will.

"Play for me?" It was a demand, not so much a question.

The warmth at his side vanished, and Will fought to grope for his love. Jem wouldn't return. Not now, not ever.

They were twelve, and it was raining, and WIll couldn't sleep.

A muffled thump from the next room, and then a quiet curse (he assumed, for he didn't understand through the thick walls, and, it was Chinese).

And then Jem began to play. It was beautiful, too angelic to put into words. It made Will freeze, it seemed the whole _world_ held its breath as Jem wrought sweet sounds from his instrument.

A pause in the music, and Will launched himself out of bed and ran to Jem's room. The gray-haired boy looked wildly at him, then relaxed, flushing quite adorably. "What are you doing here, William?"

Will turned at the voice and smiled faintly. "Visiting Jem."

"The one I was named after, right?" James Herondale asked.

Will took his son into his arms and nodded. The boy wrapped his arms around his father's neck and smiled brightly. "Mom says he played the viola."  
Will shook his head. Could still hear faint sounds of music echoing around him. James grew still; perhaps heard it too.

"No James,_ fy caraid_. The violin."


	23. William

To Jem, Will was…

Well…

He was _interesting_, to say in the least. He looked like an angel, acted like a devil.

But not really.

He was actually very gentle and sweet...he just never showed it to anyone but Jem. Not that he minded, of course-it made him special (yes, yes, they were _parabatai_, so Jem knew Will more than anyone) but still, he was the only one that had seen that side of Will. Even _before_ they became _parabatai_, Will was tender with him. With everyone else, even when they were barely twelve, Will was cold, dismissive. At first, with Jem,he tried to act the same way, but when Jem did not recoil or snap, merely gazed back at him-Will was the one to recoil. And then he just couldn't be rude to Jem. Jem saw Will's eyes flicker in something almost like..._fear_, when he tried.

And then, whenever someone tried to hurt or snap at Jem, Will would rise up in a fury and...well, no one tried to hurt Jem anymore.

And _then_, Will just...he couldn't be rude to _anyone_, not with Jem watching.

It was almost like Jem had some sort of _power_ over him. Not that anyone minded. Only when Will's attachment to Jem became..._more_, did anyone take notice.

But no one really did anything, because they were parabatai-wasn't attachment natural? Especially in Will's case, what with his...family and all. And Jem's.

Except...Jem didn't feel the same, not really. He could, he supposed, but it wouldn't happen, because he couldn't risk losing Will as well, because to Will, it was probably just his age (he _was_ ever only with Jem and sometimes Jessamine, who could easily turn _any_ man gay despite her looks. She was rather demanding and Will oft called her a narcissist). And Will _did_ have a preference for what he could not have.

But however Jem tried…he couldn't _not_ fall for this strange, beautiful boy, especially with Will throwing himself at him like how he did.

Like when they'd first kissed. Jem remembered it, just couldn't deal with it so early on. He'd _liked_ it though.

Or that time when Will had nearly kissed him in the library. That time when Will had (drunkenly) first confessed his love.

It was all...strangely _adorable_. _Will_ was adorable.

And the heartbreak he'd felt when Will had chosen _Tessa_ over him…that was the _worst_. He'd...he'd really _loved_ that boy.

Obviously, it wasn't mutual.

But hey. At least Will knew how he'd felt when Jem in turn stole Tessa from him.

Jem would've felt bad, but it wasn't _fair_. Why should Will have love, life, when Jem had neither?

It just wasn't fair.


	24. Xenia

It wasn't that Will was _afraid_ of strange people, he just...strongly disliked them. But he wasn't scared of them. William Herondale feared _nothing_. (Except for ducks, but that's another story.)

Not the dark, not storms, not even death. Even as a child. He was the thing most feared; rash temper, sharp tongue, devilish intelligence, even at 12.

...But he _was_ afraid, even if no-one saw it.

And then came that pale little boy with odd gray streaked hair and curious, slanted eyes. The boy peered up at him as Will stood at the top of the stairs. Thunder flashed, and the boy flinched, and Will felt a pang of..._kinship_ to him.

"My name is William Herondale."

"James. James Carstairs." he had an accent, something Asian, and Will didn't hear 'James', but...

"Jem."

Dubbed Jem looked up at Will in something akin to awe as Will descended the stairs two at a time. But when he held out his hand to shake, Jem flinched away.

It wasn't that Jem was _afraid_ of strange people either, he was just...strongly wary of them. But he wasn't scared of them. James Carstairs feared _nothing_. (Except for silence, but that is also another story).

With a slight frown wrinkling his forehead, Will reached out and took Jem's warm hand in his and pulled Jem away, leading him from Charlotte's slightly amused gaze.

When they'd rounded the corner, Will faced Jem. "You are mine now."

Jem didn't reply, only a strangled squeak came from his lips.

"What, you don't want to be?" He gave his best scathing glare to the other boy.

Who was unperturbed. It was then, that Will had officially began to fall for this strange, beautiful boy.

"I am mine alone."

"Are you not afraid of what I could do?"

A small, bitter smirk. "I am dying, William, as we speak. No, I am not afraid of what you could do to me."

_Dying…?_ Will held out his hand o shake again. "We are starting over. My name is William Herondale."

An amused glint in silvery-black eyes. "James. Jem Carstairs."


	25. Yearning

All Will's life, he'd yearned to have someone to share it with. Someone that loved him for _him_, not his looks; someone that could see past all the enigmatic layers and break all the barriers and ignore the rudeness, the sarcasm-and see what was inside.

He wanted someone that didn't comply with his every demand-instead, someone that would instead _challenge_ that. Someone that would share in all of the dangerous whims of his, someone that protected him at an arms' length. Someone he could confess every secret to, someone he could trust with his whole being. Someone that could understand and bear his every rapidly changing mood, someone that was both fierce and gentle, impulsive and yet still sensible enough to know when to hold back. Someone that could soothe him with the merest touch, someone...

Someone like Jem.

* * *

As a musician, Jem yearned for The Song to come-the song that would put to rest all of the...the urges and itching _inside_ of him to _play,_ play until he found it.

But he just _couldn't._

He knew he would find it soon; he felt himself getting closer to that final moment when the notes would come and he would finally be at _peace_.

His father said that half of a person's song rested dormant inside everyone, and your part's harmony rested in the one that was meant to be with you.

Jem already knew his part of The Song, but had never dared play it. Something that _beautiful_ could _never_ hope to be duplicated on the violin. _Any_ instrument, for that matter.

But...he felt like if he'd finally found his Other Part, he'd be able to play it.

It was _quite_ a shame that Will didn't play anything. Jem could practically _feel_ that he and the other boy would make an _amazing_ duet. They were already able to read each other's each and every mood-they would accommodate each other in the slightest of movements, movements anyone else barely saw.

It was almost like _Will_ was his other half.

Which wouldn't be so bad, he had the right...rhythm.

And his sound was _amazing_.

Angel knows how much Jem wanted to play it. Play him.

And Will...he was just _right_. Fell back when Jem stepped forward and knew the exact way to back him up perfectly, and vice versa. He knew the perfect way to make Jem's sounds even better, the perfect way to harmonize each and every note in their lives together-

_Yes_, Jem decided_, it had to be Will._


	26. Zen

_Zen was a place of perfect, utmost peace._

* * *

Will's _zen_ was in the library of the Institute, surrounded by books. He was alone but not alone; with all of the people that had made mistakes like him, had loved (and lost) like him, had pain and joy and suffering and peace like him.

Books kept him sane. There was always a character, a distant memory, that he brought to life, remembered. He felt like he was doing those forgotten books a favor. They wouldn't be abandoned by _him_, at least.

Will thought his own life would make a fairly interesting book. If he lived long (very unlikely, though) he would perhaps write it down, for his children, and his children's children.

And always flitting about on the pages of his life was Jem. That beautiful, ethereal boy...how much of Jem would he include, Will wondered. Their meeting, certainly. Their parabatai ceremony, definitely. Midnight jaunts, stolen kisses, tenderly whispered confessions of a love shared?

Maybe.

* * *

To Jem, _zen_ was his music. Playing on his (or Will's) bed with sunlight (or moonlight) streaming through the partially closed window curtains and filtering through his downcast eyelids, letting the instrument play itself, reveling in the awed look in Will's eyes when he finished...Jem would never grow tired of all that.

Not even on the nights where Jem played into the early hours of the next morning and had to be woken from his music induced trance with a searing kiss from Will, who would finally pull away with fond worry shining in his eyes.

But all Jem wanted was to play _Will._ To play the song that was Will's very heart, soul, and life. It just kept flitting around on the very edge of hearing; of playing. He would have it, sit down to play and put the bow to the string and—

It would be gone.

But even hearing it and attempting to play it...when Jem had first played Will's song, (he called it_ Wo Wei Ni Er Huo; I Live For You_) the joy and awe on that beautiful face had made Jem truly, completely happy.

It made him feel at peace.


	27. Epilogue-ish

Jk I lied this isn't an epilogue

But guys, I'm mad

Know why?

This story's gotten 2140 views and 254 visitors since I published it and _guess _how many reviews it's gotten?

TWO.

And how many faves?

FOUR.

THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF OKAY

I can't write more if I don't get critiqued and that won't happen if NO ONE REVIEWS

So I QUIT WRITING. OKAY!?

God.

I'll start again when AND ONLY WHEN I get more reviews.

Because it took me...a month-ish to write the whole thing and I BARELY finished on time and that's all the thanks I get?

Much appreciation.

So I reiterate

I quit

Done

Okay?

Byes


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